About

Nick Cardenas is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. He has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. He writes award-winning operas. He manages time efficiently. Occasionally, he’ll tread water for three days in a row. He woo’s women with his sensuous and godlike trombone playing. He can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he cooks 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am Nick Cardenas! I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-hand edly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.

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